My twins turned eleven years old today. I was twenty-one years old when two little wriggling, squirming bundles of baby were gently placed into my arms. I was admittedly scared to death at the enormous weight of responsibility. Growing up I was a tomboy and not one to willingly hold someone’s baby or coo and make over them. I knew nothing about caring for one child, much less two.
When I left the hospital with my new sons I knew I had a lot of growing up to do, but I figured we were now a team and we could do that together. Circumstances at the time were not ideal, but I was blessed with a good support system. My mom became my teacher in all things baby and together we braved the first two months of caring for newborn twins. My dad said we looked like zombies because sleep was a rare commodity during that time. My boys were not sleepers and When my babies turned two months old I made the decision to move back to my apartment and take on my responsibility alone. I was determined to make things work and kept God busy with the many prayers I sent up during that time. I can remember getting my boys ready for church on our first Sunday living alone. Nothing was going to keep me from making it on time. I felt I had a point to prove to myself if no one else. We made it to the church on time and as I got ready to get my boys out of the car it occurred to me that I was somewhat out numbered. I learned real quick how to carry an oversized diaper bag, a baby in each arm, turn and kick the car door closed with my foot, and keep my balance.
Those first months were hard. I cried a lot not only for the sheer enormity of realization that was washing over me, but for the fear of doing something wrong and it affecting these two perfect little beings. There was no longer a “me” or an “I”. It would forever be “us” and “we”. When you’re a mom moments of recognition come in many different forms. When they are infants those moments come as babbles and coos. In the toddler stage nothing is more endearing than a whispered, “Mommy, I want you.” Now that my boys are in double digits my moments of recognition are bear hugs and passing, “Mom you’re the best.”
The lump in my throat gets a little bigger every time I think about once being able to hold them both in my arms at one time till now when they could both probably hold me. When you’re a mom time flies as quickly as the wind blows. One day you’re holding your new baby for the first time and the next they are preparing to start Middle School and have girlfriends.
Today I want to wish my twins, Hunter and Levi, a very happy birthday. God knew that I needed them and they needed me. We grew up together in many ways and spent many days in the school of hard knocks. I wouldn’t change one second of my life since becoming a mom. Yes, there have been days when I could have done things differently. There were mistakes that should not have been made, but they were all part of the Master’s plan. Those moments have served as a foundation for the lives my boys now lead and I pray that when they are older they will look back and know that I have tried my best because when you’re a mom you give your all without asking for anything in return.