At a time when our nation is facing one crisis after another uncertainty lurks with every news report. It seems every newspaper and magazine holds some new unseen danger that is sure to threaten the very existence of mankind. As my family was spending time together on New Years Eve my brother was thumbing through the newest edition of American Hunter when he stumbled upon a shocking and disturbing article. As he read aloud from the article that was undoubtedly ground shaking I noticed he couldn’t seem to keep his composure. The longer he read it became clear we were all becoming increasingly unable to control our emotions. Eventually we all lost it and dissolved into a bumbling, stuttering mess of…laughter.
This article began with a quote by Ingrid Newkirk, PETA’s president who stated, “A tax on meat would help prevent future global warming-related natural disasters by encouraging a decrease in meat consumption.” The author of this article was Frank Miniter, Executive Field Editor for American Hunter. He proceeded to enlighten the readers to the fact that these so called “experts” and top environmental groups are trying to say that cow gases, in the form of belches and well, the other way of releasing gas, is one of the top causes of global warming. It seems our dear bovine herds are vicious and unapologetic producers of methane emissions to the point that they far exceed that of vehicle exhaust. Are you snickering yet?
Mr. Miniter had a good time of letting these environmental enthusiasts have it with pure logic and truth. Not to mention the fact that PETA, a well known anti-hunting organization, was putting its name on a statement that actually would support hunting methane emitting herds such as elk and deer in order to decrease the production of these globally devastating gases.
If what these people are saying is true then the strongest contributors to the depletion of the ice caps and the ozone layer are not the factories, automobiles, and hairspray cans but none other than ol’ Bessie munching away in the front field. If this is true then the ultimate destruction of Mother Earth began with Abram and Lot’s massive herds that had to eventually be divided due to their enormity back in biblical days (Genesis 13). “Lot also, who went with Abram, had flocks and herds and tents. Now the land was not able to support them that they might dwell together, for their possessions were so great that they could not dwell together.” Genesis 13:5-6
Does this mean that all cattle farmers should somehow design catalytic converters that can be attached to the rear ends of their herds? One very important question I have to ask is how in the world would you be able to measure how much gas a cow emits anyway? The visual picture I have is very amusing.
Furthermore, if intestinal gases from bovine and other related herds are harmful to the environment, what does that say for human emissions? I would like to have these experts come to my house on taco night and spend the evening with my boys. I guarantee they could get far more readings than they could ever use!
Mr. Miniter went on to explain in his article that these groups were trying to push us all into becoming vegetarians. Well, in my opinion if the people in the world stopped eating meat then the unemployment rate would skyrocket and the eventual collapse of the economy would be boosted leading to the destruction of mankind. What is my reasoning you may ask? If people stopped eating meat then the A1 Company and those like it would go under, beef jerky producers would fold, Oscar Meyer and any sandwich meat company would disappear, families would stop going on picnics because who can have a picnic without bologna sandwiches, men of all ages would just fall into depression because a man without the occasional awesome steak is not complete. My list could go on and on.
Instead of these high powered “know it alls” wasting their brain power on calculating how much gas our cattle release in a day’s time I will make it simple for them. I am a plain country girl of average intelligence and I am going to solve this global problem for them. Are you ready? I say just mix a little Bean-O or Gas X into the grass seed you sow or into the winter feed and be done with it. You know, take Bean-O before and there’ll be no gas after?
Have a great week everyone and may your cattle herds thrive and produce just as the good Lord designed them to!